The Bling Ring: Thoughts on Indian Celebrity Fashion at Cannes

There are two big celebrity fashion events that I look forward to every year. The first is the Met Gala. The Met Gala is legit. I live for the Met Gala. This is one red carpet where safe, foolproof looks are actively discouraged and celebrities are encouraged to let their fashion-freak flag fly. I love seeing timidly clueless celebrities giving their Joan-Rivers-approved sheath dresses and lacy mermaid gowns a miss for one night and trying their best to interpret the crazy/undoable theme. (This year, for the punk theme, SJP wore a mohawk-style headpiece and thigh-high boots. It was fantastic.)

The second big celebrity fashion circus I follow avidly is the Cannes film festival. The look here is movie-star glamour.  You've got to go big or go home. With yards of film stars and wannabes jostling for attention all over the Croisette, Cannes is the place to bring your biggest gowns, your biggest jewels, your most memorable fashion. And it's in Europe, which means the fashion is, once again, not as snoozy and safe as the typical Hollywood red carpet. 

The other great thing about Cannes is that I get to see Bollywood stars doing the hokey-pokey alongside international movie icons. The two fixtures on the circuit, of course, are Aishwarya Rai and Sonam Kapoor, who are ambassadors for L'oreal. I have a weakness for both these ladies, and this year, they were joined by another one of my favorites, Vidya Balan. Fun! 

The Sabyasachi Problem

As Sonam Kapoor pointed out in an interview with Bollywood Hungama, Vidya is not at Cannes to shill gowns or makeup, unlike Sonam herself. She is there as member of the jury, and she gets to do awesome things like chill with the delightful Christoph Waltz and be one of the first people to watch the latest collaboration between Ryan Gosling and Nicolas Winding-Refn.

But Vidya clearly didn't want to go unnoticed style-wise either. Her outfits, designed by Sabyasachi, seem to have been put together deliberately to attract attention and inspire discussion.

I have a lot of love for Vidya's first two looks at the festival. The red lehenga she wore on arriving in Cannes was simple and elegant, and the demurely understated styling worked perfectly with the outfit. The next look, a stunning white-and-gold saree, was also a winner, and, once more, the pulled-back-hair-with-neutral-face formula worked, though I'd have zhuzhed up the face with some color. Both looks were just a little unexpected, while being firmly within Vidya's style wheelhouse.

At the Great Gatsby premiere, however, Vidya decided to take things to a more flamboyant level, in a pale lehenga and a major necklace. The dupatta on her head became a major talking point. (For real. I've read comments arguing that by putting the dupatta on her head, Vidya portrayed India as regressive and "backwards." SMH. SMH so hard.) See, in theory, I love that she gave us drama. But with the veil and the volume in the lehenga and its big-ass border and the full sleeves and the Nehru-waistcoat blouse, it's all a bit . . . too much. And not too much in the wonderful Cannes way. It was a stuffy, visually unbalanced look, and it had no color in it. Instead of giving us Indian-princess realness, Vidya ended up in dowager raajmaata territory. My fixes? I'd have kept the dupatta on her head, given her softer hair, maybe a braid, gotten rid of the headmistress choli and replaced it with something that showed at least some collarbone and had shorter sleeves. Oh, and I'd have added some color to that gorgeous face. You've got to give her credit, though. She was working the whole "Her Serene Highness" schtick as well as she could.

The next day, at the Young and Beautiful screening, Vidya brought back the tight hair, the neutral face, and the Amish blouse, much to my chagrin. By way of drama, she added the nathni. Oh my god, the nathni. The nathni was the bane of the Bollywood-loving corner of Twitter for a millisecond. Do I hate the nathni? No. (Reminder: I love drama.) But that focus-stealing piece of jewelry did not belong on a woman who was wearing a madly uncomfortable-looking blouse and tastefully funereal makeup. It belonged on somebody else. We will get to who that was in a second. At any rate, this look would have been much better, nose-ring and all, if Sabyasachi had let Vidya's upper half and scalp breathe.

Let's talk about Sabyasachi for a bit. Sabyasachi is one of my favorite Indian designers. He makes gorgeous use of traditional textiles and motifs, and his clothes are a refreshing alternative to the glitter-gun-happy stuff that Manish Malhotra, that other Bollywood favorite, keeps spinning out year after year. But I am not sure if I'd have styled Vidya the way he did. (Call me if you wanna change things up, Vids!) Sabya styles his beautiful clothes in order to create particular characters and tell specific stories. This approach worked spectacularly when he took model and Miss India Kanishta Dhanker to Cannes. But Vidya is not a model. She is not a clotheshorse. Her appearances should have foregrounded her versatile persona - as an Indian actor and movie star in the 21st century - instead of the Sabya vision, as interesting as that vision may be. Sabya has said something to the effect that he wanted Vidya to look like a maharani at Cannes. That intent is evident. Does she look gorgeous, glamorous even? Absolutely. Could she have looked more her age, more herself? Again, absolutely. After all, this is a woman who has done a terrific job of sexing up the saree, wearing her woven silks with loose hair, scarlet lips, and plunging blouses all over Indian red carpets. I don't know if styling her with scraped-back hair, zamidarni-style blouses, and neutral makeup was the way to go, even if that may be Sabyasachi's favored look of the moment. It's not your moment, Sabya.

Thankfully, Vidya did Vidya for her next appearance. A delicious traditional handloom silk, a less restrictive blouse, more relaxed hair, and a brighter face. It wasn't anything we hadn't seen before, but it was a look Vidya owns like nobody else.

I didn't hate the red saree look at all, but if you're going to dress a 35-year-old woman like Gayatri Devi, shouldn't you dress her up like young Gayatri Devi? I mean, even the Maharani rocked a bob and short-sleeved blouses and flirty chiffons. Here, too, The Blouse That Ate Planet Earth took the look down a few notches. And a beautiful movie star at a film festival ought, I think, to avoid politician's-wife hair and makeup.

I don't think Vidya wore anything she should be ashamed of (not that anyone of us ought to be ashamed of what we wear, unless it has, like, hate speech scrawled on it, or is made of baby pandas.) She looked stunning throughout, and provided us with a bunch of memorable looks. I know she's perfectly happy with Sabya dressing her 24/7, but, as somebody who likes clothes and likes looking at Vidya, I'd love to see her switch it up from time to time. I'm not saying she needs to. But it'd be rad if she did. Anyway. You did good, lady. Now look fabulous at the closing ceremonies and shoot me a text about who won the Palme D'or.

Of Capes and Cake Dresses

Sonam, who was there only to model pretty clothes, brought her A-game. Sonam knows fashion. She actually collects and curates, and I have a feeling she isn't dressing merely to look presentable or attractive, but for the sheer love of the design and artistry that goes into beautiful clothing. She is unafraid to wear risky, polarizing stuff or to look a little ridiculous. Hence, her red carpet appearances at Cannes, for which she gets to pull archival pieces and to have things custom-designed for her, tend to be serious eye-candy.

DRAMA

She went big right from the start, in an Anamika Khanna saree with a stunningly dramatic sci-fi-y cape. And, of course, the nathni, which several people hated, but I LOVED. (If I'd been styling Vidya, I would have skipped the nose-ring once I saw Sonam wearing one. It's an unconventional piece of jewelry, and nobody needs to think Vidya effing Balan copied Sonam Kapoor.) Sonam knew that the nathni would be a focus-puller, so she wore no other jewelry, pulled the hair back, and let that great face do all the work. Sleek, chic, desi, and modern, all at once. You may love or loathe the look, but you can't deny its impact.

Enormous ballgowns are de rigeur at Cannes. In custom Dolce and Gabbana, referred to by the wonderful Shakila at GetFilmy as "the cake dress,"Sonam served up amazing gown porn. Despite the fit issues at the bust, this was another home-run. Sonam's makeup game has improved considerably in the recent past, and her face was just about perfect at all her appearances.

Queen of the Instagram Selfies

Before taking off, Sonam also worked an adorable Elie Saab frock at the opening dinner (expert dress-wearer Dita Von Teese wore the same dress a couple days later, and I'd say that she didn't wear it as well as Sonam), and repped her friend Shehlaa in an Indian-princess-gone-goth lehenga. The latter was perhaps her least successful look this time around. The hair was a bit off, and the lehenga (like quite a few of Shehlaa's clothes), while exquisitely embroidered and detailed, had a slightly dated silhouette.

I'd say the Kapoorlet totally won the red carpet, as she is wont to do. But then, as many will point out, it's not her style cred that's ever been in question. Ahem.

Return of The Face

Aishwarya has never been a fashion girl, and she has lately stuck to nondescript or totally hideous clothes for her rare appearances back on home turf. But she can be relied upon to really bring it at Cannes.* Ash is one of the queens of Cannes. She's been going for more than a decade, the photographers love her, and she always gives them something worth photographing. Also, she seems to really loosen up at Cannes. Gone is the Bachchan-bahu stiffness. She flirts, winks, blows kisses, and it's all fantastic.

When I heard Ash was wearing Abu Jani-Sandeep Khosla to Cannes, I was disappointed. Abu-Sandeep make beautifully embellished clothes that look splendid on women like Deepika Padukone and Shweta Bachchan. But they unfailingly put Ash in blingy tents that do nothing for the actor. Besides, I wanted Aishwarya in Elie Saab!

Thankfully, I got my wish, and Ash turned up at the Inside Llewyn Davis premiere in a delightful Elie confection. The hair was gorgeous (some wanted an updo, but I thought that the soft, burnished waves were rather lovely with the romantic gown) and her makeup, of late so heavy-handed, was dewy and charming.

Ash did wear Abu-Sandeep next, and it was my least favorite appearance of hers this time around. The long anarkali was actually much nicer than the ones they usually stick poor Ash in, but it didn't fall too well on her, and I thought that the center-parted waves just added volume to an already-heavy look. Her look in Sabyasachi was better, although I feel like we've seen this gold-on-black baroque-inspired lehenga saree with the headband a million times already. (Kalki owned the hell out of a variation on the look in Marrakech.) Ash fared better in the high-neck blouse than Vidya,  however.

A good-ish run so far, but the next look gave me the best kind of chills. I usually don't like satin/sateen, but Ash was a GODDESS in the teal Armani Privé. I adored the shocking fuchsia lips, the sculptural hairdo, and all the primo face she was giving. The woman gives such great face. Just look.

Sigh.

The gold Tahiliani saree at the AmfAR gala was on theme, and since the designer was being showcased in the AmfAR fashion show, it was a sweet way to show support. But I'd have swapped out the gold blouse for a different color. Too much gold. I feel like all the rich desi aunties will be replicating this look at the winter weddings. Also, I'd have let the hair down. Again, the face won the day for Ash. It just feels like forever since we've seen it, no? The makeup and clothes back in India are so overwhelming that the face just gets lost and one forgets how ridiculous it is.

Scraps and Ribbons

Amitabh Bachchan worked some Vegas style in a bedazzled tux at the Gatsby premiere. It was all sorts of cray, but dude's seventy, and he can wear whatever he likes. Nandita Das, member of the short film jury, stayed true to her easy, effortless personal style in a series of lovely, unfussy sarees and suits. Mallika Sherawat turned up for reasons unknown to me (a lot of starlet-types turn up at Cannes for no reason aside from partying on rich men's yachts, though. Have you read this? Shadytown.) She wore a few perfectly fine dresses, but lady's seriously lost her mojo. No vamping, barely any smiling - it's all a bit depressing, to be honest. Ameesha Patel wore a couple tired-ass Manish Malhotra lehengas that everyone in Bollywood has already worn, but looked nicer than she has in a decade.

GAH. As usual, I wrote way too much about way too little.** The gist of this Bible-length piece is basically that pretty people wore pretty clothes. The moral of the story is: add some bling to your facial situation. Total conversation starter.

* Except in 2003, when she went as jury member. Since then, though, she's had a pretty stellar run. But the showbiz media persist in their "fashion disaster at Cannes" tag for her. (Ever notice how reluctant they are about updating celebrity narratives, though? They're still doing stutter jokes about Shahrukh Khan. Darr was two decades ago. I know.)

** If you've stuck this far with me, dear reader, I swear solemnly on Sharmila Tagore's bouffant that coming posts will be short and succinct. Or, at the very least, shorter and succinct-er.